A YEAR IN RETROSPECT: THE WORST ALBUMS OF 2023

 It is that time of year again! We go to stores and get run over for the latest gifts, Mariah Carey's Christmas song drives us insane once more, and we wonder what exactly do we even do this for. For the love of giving! And this holiday I give you some expressive entertainment. It is once more time for my list of albums you should only give to your mortal enemies. Used as forms of torture. At least in my humble opinion. This might offend you, step back now if you are easily upset like that one guy who told me to find a new job because I didn't like Blood Sugar Sex Magik.

It is almost impossible for me to have played every release this year, and due to repeated moments of chaos, my reviews have not been as frequent as I once did. I hope to fix that, in the mean time, you get some live opinions.

I don't get it. I can't jump on board. Ice Spice dropped "...Like?" which made me quickly wonder...like...why am I playing this? I give her some minor respect for not just dubbing her raps on live performances, but damn she has done nothing to make me think she cares about anything she is saying.

Elle King decided to go completely country with "Come Get Your Wife". I would like to go back to my non-existant husband. Please get me out of here. I don't think it really fits her. I liked her when she had more of a southern rock twist. I will never be returning to that.

I tortured myself with the new Sam Smith album so you did not have to! For someone who once displayed so much soul, this album felt so lifeless. Filled with generic lines of no meaning, terrible pop music choices, and oddities so far out of field you began to wonder if Sam Smith died and this was a body double. I hope to never hear "Gimme" again.

Most of the albums on my list are here because they stood out for being immensely crap. It is often artists I already dislike anyway. My next addition is possibly my biggest disappointment of 2023. What in the wannabe indie-radiohead was this album? A caricature of electic rock music? Lost in the overthinking and lost their way? This Is Why by Paramore really took me by surprise in the worst way possible. I struggled to get all the way through it. I normally love this band, but this took a direction I really hope does not continue.

I love celebrity gossip and drama. I fully admit to it. I read so many pointless celebrity headlines and feuds. So naturally I was VERY interested in Kelsea Ballerini's "Roll Up the Welcome Mat". Centered around her recent divorce, I expected something much more powerful. Seriously, I forgot the album after hearing it pretty much. Who writes a deep heartfelt divorce EP and doesn't sell it on that level? 

Morgan Wallen has made me realize autotune was a HORRIBLE invention. Why? Because now whenever I turn on my radio, I have to hear "Last Night", which makes NO SENSE. I can't remember what we said but we said it all? And then you tell me things that were said, my man you just said you can't remember. And the AUTOTUNED TWANG. It will be my demise. I can't. I don't understand why he is so popular. This is almost as bad as the "apple bee's on a late night" dude.

Miley Cyrus offered an endless summer vacation that reminded me I actually hate summer. It has always been my most hated season because it is so hot here and my heat tolerance sucks. This album is such a downgrade from plastic hearts, Flowers is a crap song, and the only good song on this record is "Muddy Feet". 

I know we're supposed to be telling All Time Low they are still alive, but someone might need to check in on me because I wasted my time playing this. I mean, they have really fallen off the pedestal. Fall Out Boy released a solid album playing with new rock styles, My Chemical Romance went full goth with Foundations of Decay...and this is what you guys chose to reinvent yourself with? 

Another disappointment hits with Natalie Merchant. I will be the first to tell you if you have never listened to "Ophelia", go. Now. Play this one. Do not waste your time with this new release "Keep Your Courage" unless you really enjoy strange worldish music. She has done so much better. Tigerlily. Motherland. Pretty much anything BESIDES this. Don't introduce yourself to her with THIS.

I also normally will defend the Jonas Brothers and everything to do with them. I grew up listening to them, loving Nick, and vouching for songs not just their hits. I knew this was going to be dreadful as soon as I heard Waffle House. The next insult to injury was being inspired by...the...BEE GEES. This is by far the worst album I heard by them. My JoBro heart is broken.

Can you believe I have this many gripes before even getting half through the year? Wait! There's more!

It is interesting that Niall Horan called his new album "The Show" because it lacked much of it. I mean, I did not exactly like his previous release either, but it feels like with every release he loses more of his personality. Flicker was amazing, Heartbreak Weather was not great, but the Show is downright cringeworthy at times. Please get this boy to touch some grass and get some experiences to write about.

Radio kept trying to make Coi Leray happen. Everyone threw all their dollars at her trying to make her big. Can we stop now? Stop trying to make "Coi" happen! It isn't gonna work!

I am honorarily putting Speak Now (Taylor's Version) on this list to continue my angry protest that she changed the lyrics to Better Than Revenge because some overly angry 14 year olds on twitter/x/whatever it is now cried that it was too "misogynistic" as if we should filter all of our feelings to appease people. 

On another list of disappointments, I have really loved the last two Post Malone releases. Hollywood's Bleeding and 24Karat Toothache just spoke to me somehow. Then he decided to insult my newfound interest in him by releasing "Austin", an overbloated mess of randomness sounding uninspired as hell.

I never understood the hype of Travis Scott, and I really don't think Utopia helped with that. Actually what the hell is up with all these rappers changing genre styles? 

I attempted to understand the hype of Zach Bryan. I can't get that hour of my life back.

Doja Cat's "Scarlet" got really boring after 6 tracks. We get it, you shaved your hair, your boyfriend is epic, you broke records, and you got a nice bottom area. 

There has been a really cool mid-2000s emo/punk scene revival. Whether it be Willow recapturing the sound or Armor for Sleep writing a new album, there's been a lot of exciting releases to pick up! The new Plain White T's is not one of them.

Last but not least, Kanye West and Ty Dolla Sign are currently working on an exciting superduo album that people are rejecting collaborations with. As they should, if they have any dignity left. Kanye definitely doesn't. It actually isn't released yet, but do I need to hear it to know this actually isn't worth anything right now?

I cannot wait to see what 2024 brings us, and I certainly will soon have a list of albums actually worth your time.